Well, this week was our second time observing Shabbat. This time went much better than the last week. I did break Shabbat by accidentally turning on a light out of habit. I felt like over all it was 100% better than our previous attempt.
My only concern is my observation of Bill. I noticed the look on his face as we began Shabbat, I observed his heavy sighs and the rolling of his eyes and reluctance to observe Shabbat in an effort to appease me. It was very disheartening.
As the evening passed on and the next day began he seemed to be in better spirits about observing Shabbat and spend the morning reading and then we all spent more time talking and interacting with each other. It was actually nice. I noticed as the day wore on he was becoming very bored and thumping papers and staring at the walls. It was as if he did not know what to do with out the TV or a phone to have something to do.
After all was done, I think it went rather well and I was thinking very positively that maybe he won't think it is so bad and there is hope that he will come around and desire to be more observant.
From the beginning I had concerns that our faith may be the thing that comes between us as we will have different levels of wanting to following HaShem.
Then today I mentioned I read the post by Rabbi David Katz "
Why Texas?
By Chaim Clorfene
I just returned from a weeklong junket (delicious, chocolate) to the
great state of Texas, and I must admit that it was an experience
that has changed me forever. The thing that had titillated my curiosity
was: why Texas? The dynamic growth of the so-called Noahide movement
was nowhere else in the world like in Texas. South America has a shmeck
of Noahide life, but not like Texas. Texas is mushrooming. There are
several Noahide learning centers with their own buildings. The Netiv
center in Houston has a full program of classes and is building strong
community infrastructure. There are rumblings about setting up a full
time Noahide kollel. And they tell me of an eight-foot nine-inch tall
Texan Noahide who can shoot lightning out of an unmentionable orifice.
Yes, Texas is the place for Noahides. And now I will give you my
personal explanation as to why. Ready? Okay, here it is: Hashem
Yisborach has withdrawn His grace from the United States. It has gone
dark over there. They could do teshuva and make things right, but until
then, things are going to go down spiritually, and who knows how else?
On the other hand, Hashem does not want to leave America for several
reason: a) because of the righteous Americans, b) because of the G-d
fearing tradition of America, c) because of the merit of America’s
tzedaka.
So what does our Father, our King do? He withdraws to
Texas. Why Texas? Because Texas (which means friend in Yucatanese) is
not one of the 50 states in the same manner as the other 49 states in
the union. The other 49 states are part of the union by virtue of having
been annexed. For any state to try and secede from the Union would
immediately bring the wrath of the federal government down on them,
legally, according to United States law. That is what happened when the
south seceded. But Texas was never annexed to America. It has statehood
through a treaty. Texas, technically, is a foreign nation, a sovereign
country, that is bonded to American statehood through a treaty with the
United States of America. Hence, the name “the Lone Star state.” And
because Texas is part of the United States, but also not part of United
States (a foreign country with the treaty), the Shechina is radiating in
Texas"
What a great post and explanation of Texas and what is happening here, but my hearts sank when this is why G-d brought us here and we never left and there is no where else we would be able to have this great place to stay a Noahide. I already see that I am Ger and he is Noahide and I do not think he will ever change and what any real depth of a relationship with G-d as I desire and that in turn will be passed on to Mylei who will also not desire an in-depth relationship with Adon Olam.
No, I question, if this persists, is this always my place or will divorce someday prevail so I can fully serve my maker in the capacity that is truly required of me?
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Accepting living as a Ger.
Well, it has been almost a year since I got out of the hospital and from my near death experience. Near death or death is debatable depending upon who you ask and how they interpret death.
All I know is that once the lights went out and I was in my own new after world, then I was resuscitated as the doctors stated, and awaken to this world.
Now, here I am year later and G-d has been faithful to answer my prayer to know the truth and have wisdom because I did not want to die an idol worshiper.
This year has been challenging to say the least. I have endured persecution, isolation, and rejection as well as respect and a loving supporting community.
One of the biggest key things that was weighing heavy on my heart was the infighting between us at home in the family and how to live and worship. Led to believe that we must either convert or Orthodox Judaism or have no for of tradition to pass on to Mylei or share as a family was a big one. We were giving up everything we knew that we have learned was idolatry and being told we could not practice the tradition of the Jews because we were not converted. I began to feel as if I was neither here or there, just stuck in the middle. We looked into moving to another area so we could move into a Jewish community, but I could see and feel the resistance from my husband. He was only agreeing because it was something I wanted to do and for that I know I cannot pursue conversion. It was obvious he was not into it fully, he wanted to know the truth and learn, but he does not want to take on the 613 laws. It showed in him never wearing the kippah that I bought for him; and then there was constant war over what we can eat or watch on tv.
Coming from a more dedicated life to G-d for over 38 years it was easy for me to give up things as I had for many many years in the past.
I begin to seek a compromise with him, could we at least do a conservative conversion so our daughter can be rasied Jewish and learn the traditions and celebrate all the high holidays and pass it on to her children for future generations.
Then in the past month 2 different Rabbi's have come to speak to our Noahide community. One willing to do conversion classes with us, I was elated, but then I can see that my husband was not in agreement, so I purposed it in my heart at that moment that in the event I outlive him and later in life become a widow, I will at that time go through conversion and until then I will just live as a Noahide.
So, when Rabbi Chaim Clorfene came to the community and spoke on the world of the Ger and observing Shabbat. It was wonderful to here. I felt so relieved. I learned I could practice the traditions of the Jew's and teach them to my daughter. I still hope to someday convert, but until that time arrives or if it never does, I can still serve G-d as a righteous practicing Ger. Although it isn't the perfect solution, it is the best solution for now and a compromise I can live with.
All I know is that once the lights went out and I was in my own new after world, then I was resuscitated as the doctors stated, and awaken to this world.
Now, here I am year later and G-d has been faithful to answer my prayer to know the truth and have wisdom because I did not want to die an idol worshiper.
This year has been challenging to say the least. I have endured persecution, isolation, and rejection as well as respect and a loving supporting community.
One of the biggest key things that was weighing heavy on my heart was the infighting between us at home in the family and how to live and worship. Led to believe that we must either convert or Orthodox Judaism or have no for of tradition to pass on to Mylei or share as a family was a big one. We were giving up everything we knew that we have learned was idolatry and being told we could not practice the tradition of the Jews because we were not converted. I began to feel as if I was neither here or there, just stuck in the middle. We looked into moving to another area so we could move into a Jewish community, but I could see and feel the resistance from my husband. He was only agreeing because it was something I wanted to do and for that I know I cannot pursue conversion. It was obvious he was not into it fully, he wanted to know the truth and learn, but he does not want to take on the 613 laws. It showed in him never wearing the kippah that I bought for him; and then there was constant war over what we can eat or watch on tv.
Coming from a more dedicated life to G-d for over 38 years it was easy for me to give up things as I had for many many years in the past.
I begin to seek a compromise with him, could we at least do a conservative conversion so our daughter can be rasied Jewish and learn the traditions and celebrate all the high holidays and pass it on to her children for future generations.
Then in the past month 2 different Rabbi's have come to speak to our Noahide community. One willing to do conversion classes with us, I was elated, but then I can see that my husband was not in agreement, so I purposed it in my heart at that moment that in the event I outlive him and later in life become a widow, I will at that time go through conversion and until then I will just live as a Noahide.
So, when Rabbi Chaim Clorfene came to the community and spoke on the world of the Ger and observing Shabbat. It was wonderful to here. I felt so relieved. I learned I could practice the traditions of the Jew's and teach them to my daughter. I still hope to someday convert, but until that time arrives or if it never does, I can still serve G-d as a righteous practicing Ger. Although it isn't the perfect solution, it is the best solution for now and a compromise I can live with.
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Where Do I Go From Here?
Deciding what to do and where to go is always a dilemma. I am contemplating applying for a job, but I am also not so sure I want to do that at this time. It would mean I would probably have to quit going to school because I already know I would not have enough time to work, keep up with the household, assist Mylei with homework, and find the time to do my own school work. It puts me in a bit of a quandary. It may be our only chance to relocate as it seems entirely hopeless that my husband will ever be called for a job, and in these bad times, women get hired over men. I just know that once I begin working, I will never be able to quit and I just hated working so late and never spending any time with my family.
Since it seems to only take about 48 hours for hubby to get his thanks but no thanks on almost every job he applies for it seems a bit discouraging in advancing forward, but I also know that HaShem may put us to the test to see how much of an effort we will put forth to accomplish our conversion. Sure we could do it right now by just saying the word and move into Houston, but I do not want to live in Houston for so many reasons, but the horrible high crime and outrageous housing prices keep me from doing so, after all, I cannot even afford to live in the required Eruv.
As we search the Orthodox Union for synagogues we look at the area for affordability to live in the Eruv, with also a job market, a safe and family friendly area with outdoor activities we can all enjoy. We finally found an area we feel fits those requirements that would be a best fit for our family, but the Rabbi just moved to another location, so finding out about conversion may now be a problem and the quick rejection of employment applications isn't helpful either.
Is this a closed door or a door we are to pursue to see how much we really want to convert?
Since it seems to only take about 48 hours for hubby to get his thanks but no thanks on almost every job he applies for it seems a bit discouraging in advancing forward, but I also know that HaShem may put us to the test to see how much of an effort we will put forth to accomplish our conversion. Sure we could do it right now by just saying the word and move into Houston, but I do not want to live in Houston for so many reasons, but the horrible high crime and outrageous housing prices keep me from doing so, after all, I cannot even afford to live in the required Eruv.
As we search the Orthodox Union for synagogues we look at the area for affordability to live in the Eruv, with also a job market, a safe and family friendly area with outdoor activities we can all enjoy. We finally found an area we feel fits those requirements that would be a best fit for our family, but the Rabbi just moved to another location, so finding out about conversion may now be a problem and the quick rejection of employment applications isn't helpful either.
Is this a closed door or a door we are to pursue to see how much we really want to convert?
Sunday, July 6, 2014
Time to Move
As I ponder our conversion to Judaism, I struggle with where do we move and will the Rabbi be willing to assist us to covert. I really struggle with making the move to Houston for a couple of reasons. Yes, we know the Rabbi will do our conversion there, but the area is so crime ridden and expensive that I know as soon as my conversion is complete I would move away. I feel that this defeats the entire purpose since I want to also become a part of the community and I have disliked Houston since we moved there 5 years ago, this is why we bought our home so far away from the city. I didn't want to feel like a prisoner in my home, fearful to go outside of being robbed or killed.
Since conversion is our goal I have been surfing all the Shul's from the Orthodox Union website and looking at the demographics of each location. Is it safe, what is the crime rate, how large is the city, can we afford to live in the city, can we afford to buy a home, do I see myself living there and settling for the rest of my life even though I could potentially be thousands of miles from all of my children.
Since conversion is our goal I have been surfing all the Shul's from the Orthodox Union website and looking at the demographics of each location. Is it safe, what is the crime rate, how large is the city, can we afford to live in the city, can we afford to buy a home, do I see myself living there and settling for the rest of my life even though I could potentially be thousands of miles from all of my children.
Visiting My Parents
After arriving to my parents home for my yearly visit to check on them and assist them how I can while I am here I had hoped over the past year they may have seen some of my posting on Facebook. I was prepared for the question's, but after the first two days here I realized they had not seen anything I had posted and my parents eat many non-kosher foods.
Finally, I took the opportunity to ease the conversation to my mother that I have a change faith and it did not start out very well, she blew her top and finally calmed downed after about 15 minutes and then agreed not to talk about it with me.
Eating with them has been a huge challenge since my mother has always been a fan of pork, one of the foods I never really liked even before we began eating Kosher. Mylei has been pointing out their diet to them as not kosher and it has set my mother off, so I had to inform her not to tell her grand-parents what not to eat. I could see if we lived close by could be some issues in the future, especially around holidays, since we have not even discussed anything further, I do not think she realizes we will not be celebrating these pagan holiday's any longer. Living three states is to our advantage that she isn't right there to know we will not be celebrating those holidays.
Room for thought of what we may encounter later if one of my parent's passes and the other must come and live with us.
Finally, I took the opportunity to ease the conversation to my mother that I have a change faith and it did not start out very well, she blew her top and finally calmed downed after about 15 minutes and then agreed not to talk about it with me.
Eating with them has been a huge challenge since my mother has always been a fan of pork, one of the foods I never really liked even before we began eating Kosher. Mylei has been pointing out their diet to them as not kosher and it has set my mother off, so I had to inform her not to tell her grand-parents what not to eat. I could see if we lived close by could be some issues in the future, especially around holidays, since we have not even discussed anything further, I do not think she realizes we will not be celebrating these pagan holiday's any longer. Living three states is to our advantage that she isn't right there to know we will not be celebrating those holidays.
Room for thought of what we may encounter later if one of my parent's passes and the other must come and live with us.
Friday, June 27, 2014
Reflecting upon Previous Desires
This morning as I listened to L'maancha by Eitan Katz I was reminded of my love for G-d. When I first feel in love with G-d and how I wanted to know more about Him. I desired to know of His ways, His attributes, and how I could love Him more and please Him.
Growing up in America where the Nation religion is based on belief in Jesus I would pray for HaShem to allow me the opportunity to go to school and later college to learn of Him, yet in all those years within the church it was not to be. Now, I look back and I understand why it was not to be. I prayed and asked for wisdom and truth in following Him. I have learned more in this past year in Torah study than I ever learned in 30 years in a church. My eyes have been opened, truths have been revealed. Some were hard to accept, some made me angry, some I wanted to reject as heresy, but once my emotions sorted through what I learned I took time to dissect what I had learned and examine it. It caused me to also dissect and examine what I had learned about Christianity and only one stood the test: the Torah. For years I had felt like G-d had ignored me or I was not worthy to have the privilege to go to a Christian college, now I understand and realize He had not ignored my prayers, He was listening all the time, it was not my time. I was not to be learn doctrine that was contrary to Him. I was not to embrace a doctrine of idol worship or a man. My time is now, my time started last summer with one small step, a step of inquiry. Since that time my heart has begun beating, my mind has been open to a flood gate of truth and understanding. It was this time now that G-d foresaw He would be answering my prayer, it was I who was impatient feeling I was forgotten when all along my time was just down my path, but I couldn't see it yet.
Growing up in America where the Nation religion is based on belief in Jesus I would pray for HaShem to allow me the opportunity to go to school and later college to learn of Him, yet in all those years within the church it was not to be. Now, I look back and I understand why it was not to be. I prayed and asked for wisdom and truth in following Him. I have learned more in this past year in Torah study than I ever learned in 30 years in a church. My eyes have been opened, truths have been revealed. Some were hard to accept, some made me angry, some I wanted to reject as heresy, but once my emotions sorted through what I learned I took time to dissect what I had learned and examine it. It caused me to also dissect and examine what I had learned about Christianity and only one stood the test: the Torah. For years I had felt like G-d had ignored me or I was not worthy to have the privilege to go to a Christian college, now I understand and realize He had not ignored my prayers, He was listening all the time, it was not my time. I was not to be learn doctrine that was contrary to Him. I was not to embrace a doctrine of idol worship or a man. My time is now, my time started last summer with one small step, a step of inquiry. Since that time my heart has begun beating, my mind has been open to a flood gate of truth and understanding. It was this time now that G-d foresaw He would be answering my prayer, it was I who was impatient feeling I was forgotten when all along my time was just down my path, but I couldn't see it yet.
Monday, June 16, 2014
My Evil Inclination
Today I awoke feeling tired, ready to take some time to get out of the house. I just have the need to just go somewhere. I have been shut up in this house now for over a week. I have not even walked out to the mailbox, but my school work for last week was done. Thank goodness this is my last week of school for the summer. It will be nice to get it completed so I can begin my summer.
This is where my evil inclination comes in; planning my time away, feeling selfish of my time and who and when I want to visit my kids. I had wanted to go to New York and D.C., but that is not to be. Bill called his sister to see if we could come and visit for a week so they can connect and get to know their niece, but they have not replied or returned his phone calls. Hint taken, you do not want us to come and visit, so I will cross that trip off my list.
Now to plan my trip to visit my children, but when should I go. My parents to my surprise are wanting to ride up with me most of the way to visit my cousin. It will be a good thing for them, my parents are getting older and may not live too many more years. My dad is no longer able to drive for very long and his balance is getting worse and his heart is slowing down. It will be nice to enjoy my time with them, it will be good for Mylei to enjoy her time with them as well. Now to schedule my trip to see the kids in Seattle, but of course their father keeps calling them and pressuring them to come to his family reunion separate from the other family reunion. Why choose a time when I usually come and visit, after all you live within a few hours of them, I live 3 days from them and 2500 miles and have not visited them in two years. So, where I am being selfish is now I lose another 4 to 5 days visit with them and since I will be on a 10 visit time frame so I can drive my parents back to Southern California it now makes it worthless to even drive that far to have the time dominated by someone who lives close by. I had that same issue two years ago when I went for two weeks and Janae's mother had to come over and take them out and then take them to a water park for the day when she lives only 3 miles away and see's them 4 to 5 days a week. This not only robs me, but Mylei who wants to play with her niece and nephew and her siblings too.
Granted I realize the grandparents are fighting to be the favorite grandparents, but aside from that, I wish they could at least give me my few days to visit them. Yes, they will always be their favorites because they live close by and see them often, but to take away from the short time I have is selfish, and now I feel selfish even thinking I was this time to myself, that is my evil inclination. I need to put myself in check, I need to seek G-d and be reminded of all his glory and majesty so I do not dwell on these thoughts. Now, I am even questioning if I want to go and visit them this year either since it is so far to go and then have it cut short.
I know this rant has nothing to do with the teaching of Torah, but I seeing more of sin according to Judaism that I had not seen before and that I need to work on, in this case it is the evil inclination of selfishness on my part for which I need to repent.
This is where my evil inclination comes in; planning my time away, feeling selfish of my time and who and when I want to visit my kids. I had wanted to go to New York and D.C., but that is not to be. Bill called his sister to see if we could come and visit for a week so they can connect and get to know their niece, but they have not replied or returned his phone calls. Hint taken, you do not want us to come and visit, so I will cross that trip off my list.
Now to plan my trip to visit my children, but when should I go. My parents to my surprise are wanting to ride up with me most of the way to visit my cousin. It will be a good thing for them, my parents are getting older and may not live too many more years. My dad is no longer able to drive for very long and his balance is getting worse and his heart is slowing down. It will be nice to enjoy my time with them, it will be good for Mylei to enjoy her time with them as well. Now to schedule my trip to see the kids in Seattle, but of course their father keeps calling them and pressuring them to come to his family reunion separate from the other family reunion. Why choose a time when I usually come and visit, after all you live within a few hours of them, I live 3 days from them and 2500 miles and have not visited them in two years. So, where I am being selfish is now I lose another 4 to 5 days visit with them and since I will be on a 10 visit time frame so I can drive my parents back to Southern California it now makes it worthless to even drive that far to have the time dominated by someone who lives close by. I had that same issue two years ago when I went for two weeks and Janae's mother had to come over and take them out and then take them to a water park for the day when she lives only 3 miles away and see's them 4 to 5 days a week. This not only robs me, but Mylei who wants to play with her niece and nephew and her siblings too.
Granted I realize the grandparents are fighting to be the favorite grandparents, but aside from that, I wish they could at least give me my few days to visit them. Yes, they will always be their favorites because they live close by and see them often, but to take away from the short time I have is selfish, and now I feel selfish even thinking I was this time to myself, that is my evil inclination. I need to put myself in check, I need to seek G-d and be reminded of all his glory and majesty so I do not dwell on these thoughts. Now, I am even questioning if I want to go and visit them this year either since it is so far to go and then have it cut short.
I know this rant has nothing to do with the teaching of Torah, but I seeing more of sin according to Judaism that I had not seen before and that I need to work on, in this case it is the evil inclination of selfishness on my part for which I need to repent.
Friday, June 6, 2014
Which Way Do I Go?
This journey has been a process. A learning process for sure, but also a shedding process. Shedding away of old ideas and traditions for the truth. I can now see why people raised in false religions because their entire country is founded upon, immersed in, and taught there religion as truth, can find it difficult and challenging to let go of the ideology of their faith.
I know I was one of those people. Raised in Christianity, believing all other religions are wrong, missing the truth, or outright cults, I never would have thought I would challenge my own faith and beliefs. I first had to dismiss all the things that I used as excuses to explain away facts from history or archeology. I used the old excuse that all these people are being used by the devil to deceive me.
It wasn't until one day I really put it together and asked myself the question could Paul have created his own religion? I stated to my husband what if . . . What if Paul made this entire vision up, creating the New Testament as the founding blocks of Christianity? How different is his version of truth from that of Muhammad who also had a vision from god with a golden ladder coming down from heaven and giving him his version of the new truth, the Koran?
Never in my wildest dreams would I really confirm that Paul really wrote an entire new religion to the Gentiles using Jesus as the centerpiece. After all, Jesus was a torah observant Jew, he came only to the Jews to teach them torah and to return to the ways of Judaism and torah.
Other things I found interesting is the book of Revelation, it becomes more apparent to me that Paul is more than likely the author of this book as well. According to Judaism, all the things that Christians are waiting for Anti-Christ to do are things the coming Messiah (prophet) is to fulfill. What better way to mislead people away from the truth than to portray the coming truth as lie.
The deeper I follow the truth, the more I see the lie. Now, which way do I go for conversion. Since we are in Texas and I really dislike it here for a number of reasons, I know that I need to move near a synagogue in order to begin the process of conversion.
In times past I always only prayed and waited, but have learned through Judaism we are able to make decisions on our own and still pray. I don't have to feel like I need to sit here for years for something to open, but that I can begin the process and see what happens.
I know I was one of those people. Raised in Christianity, believing all other religions are wrong, missing the truth, or outright cults, I never would have thought I would challenge my own faith and beliefs. I first had to dismiss all the things that I used as excuses to explain away facts from history or archeology. I used the old excuse that all these people are being used by the devil to deceive me.
It wasn't until one day I really put it together and asked myself the question could Paul have created his own religion? I stated to my husband what if . . . What if Paul made this entire vision up, creating the New Testament as the founding blocks of Christianity? How different is his version of truth from that of Muhammad who also had a vision from god with a golden ladder coming down from heaven and giving him his version of the new truth, the Koran?
Never in my wildest dreams would I really confirm that Paul really wrote an entire new religion to the Gentiles using Jesus as the centerpiece. After all, Jesus was a torah observant Jew, he came only to the Jews to teach them torah and to return to the ways of Judaism and torah.
Other things I found interesting is the book of Revelation, it becomes more apparent to me that Paul is more than likely the author of this book as well. According to Judaism, all the things that Christians are waiting for Anti-Christ to do are things the coming Messiah (prophet) is to fulfill. What better way to mislead people away from the truth than to portray the coming truth as lie.
The deeper I follow the truth, the more I see the lie. Now, which way do I go for conversion. Since we are in Texas and I really dislike it here for a number of reasons, I know that I need to move near a synagogue in order to begin the process of conversion.
In times past I always only prayed and waited, but have learned through Judaism we are able to make decisions on our own and still pray. I don't have to feel like I need to sit here for years for something to open, but that I can begin the process and see what happens.
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Conversion Zone
After much thought we have made a decision to convert to Judaism. It will be a long process I am certain, but the time frame will need to begin soon. Since we discovered we needed special permits from our county to proceed with a new home, we discovered we also have to install a new septic system to meet new Federal Laws. This has given me time to think, time to question, time to seek. Why at the last minute did this come up when even the builder thought we were in the clear and it was not needed.
I have never been a big fan of Houston. In fact, the crime, traffic, and rudeness of the inhabitants has always kept me living pretty far from the city. Unfortunately, this is where we would have to move to do our conversion unless we relocated to another area: which I would really prefer.
Although it may be my choice to move to another city with an Orthodox Synagogue for us to complete our conversion, it may not be G-d's will. Only time will tell. As we travel this summer to visit family it is my hearts desire and prayer that Ha Shem will open a door and lead us to the right Shul where we will be happy to live and enjoy being a part of the community.
Now I wonder, where is the conversion zone for us?
I have never been a big fan of Houston. In fact, the crime, traffic, and rudeness of the inhabitants has always kept me living pretty far from the city. Unfortunately, this is where we would have to move to do our conversion unless we relocated to another area: which I would really prefer.
Although it may be my choice to move to another city with an Orthodox Synagogue for us to complete our conversion, it may not be G-d's will. Only time will tell. As we travel this summer to visit family it is my hearts desire and prayer that Ha Shem will open a door and lead us to the right Shul where we will be happy to live and enjoy being a part of the community.
Now I wonder, where is the conversion zone for us?
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Outside the City Walls
The past few days I have been thinking about my path, my direction in life. Where am I going? Am I going anywhere? Do I want to go anywhere? As I learn more about who I am, a Goy, a Beni Noach, a Ger, whatever name I am called to describe what I am, I am not satisfied. I am not fulfilled or satisfied in the only abiding by the seven laws of Noah. I desire more, I desire a closer relationship with G-d. I do not want to live outside the city walls as many other Beni Noach's do. I want to live inside the City. I want to be a part of the community and fellowship. I want to take on all 613 commandments and do mitzvah's.
Now we wait. We wait on Ha Shem. We wait for Him to open a door that will bring us near a Shul so we can begin our conversion. Will it be here in Houston, or will G-d direct us somewhere else to being our new journey on out path to Judaism?
Now we wait. We wait on Ha Shem. We wait for Him to open a door that will bring us near a Shul so we can begin our conversion. Will it be here in Houston, or will G-d direct us somewhere else to being our new journey on out path to Judaism?
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Mithraism and Christianity
Since, beginning Torah study and attending a Bnei Noach community I have noticed many faults with Christianity and it's teaching. I have taken slack from my family members questioning me about what all this Jewish stuff is about. One family member even asked me what happened to me and who stole my precious gift of Jesus from me.
It has been hard to explain to others and I posed challenging questions to them, but of course they will not examine the information as a judge would overseeing a case, but they took the prosecuting side like a lawyer in questioning me. They are not willing to listen to any facts since their minds are made up and they believe they are correct and I am wrong and now damned to hell with all the Jews who don't accept the Jewish messiah Jesus who came to them that they rejected.
After careful review of the facts and the Tanakh, I can see how the holy bible has been manipulated in some verses to support Jesus as a savior only in the event you remove the entire passage and only choose out one or two verses of the scripture to make it fit.
Another thing I have just heard about is Mithraism. I did some reading on it last night, there are those who say it's beginnings were long before Jesus and then I find some information from Christians claiming that Jesus came first and this religion was written by the devil to copy Christianity.
Amazing how there are always some sort of reason to dismiss any science or facts or information that would challenge Christianity as works of the devil and one must have faith to overcome such evil thoughts that would lead you astray.
One thing I found to be quite compelling are the similarities of Mithra and Jesus.
It has been hard to explain to others and I posed challenging questions to them, but of course they will not examine the information as a judge would overseeing a case, but they took the prosecuting side like a lawyer in questioning me. They are not willing to listen to any facts since their minds are made up and they believe they are correct and I am wrong and now damned to hell with all the Jews who don't accept the Jewish messiah Jesus who came to them that they rejected.
After careful review of the facts and the Tanakh, I can see how the holy bible has been manipulated in some verses to support Jesus as a savior only in the event you remove the entire passage and only choose out one or two verses of the scripture to make it fit.
Another thing I have just heard about is Mithraism. I did some reading on it last night, there are those who say it's beginnings were long before Jesus and then I find some information from Christians claiming that Jesus came first and this religion was written by the devil to copy Christianity.
Amazing how there are always some sort of reason to dismiss any science or facts or information that would challenge Christianity as works of the devil and one must have faith to overcome such evil thoughts that would lead you astray.
One thing I found to be quite compelling are the similarities of Mithra and Jesus.
Mithra has the following in common with the Jesus character:
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Mithra was born on December 25th of the virgin Anahita.
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The babe was wrapped in swaddling clothes, placed in a manger and attended by shepherds.
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He was considered a great traveling teacher and master.
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He had 12 companions or "disciples."
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He performed miracles.
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As the "great bull of the Sun," Mithra sacrificed himself for world peace.
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He ascended to heaven.
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Mithra was viewed as the Good Shepherd, the "Way, the Truth and the Light," the Redeemer, the Savior, the Messiah.
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Mithra is omniscient, as he "hears all, sees all, knows all: none can deceive him."
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He was identified with both the Lion and the Lamb.
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His sacred day was Sunday, "the Lord's Day," hundreds of years before the appearance of Christ.
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His religion had a eucharist or "Lord's Supper."
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Mithra "sets his marks on the foreheads of his soldiers."
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Mithraism emphasized baptism(http://www.truthbeknown.com/mithra.htm)One thing I have discovered it the further I look into Judaism the more answers I find and the answers they give are correct and backed up by facts and science and historical documents and artifacts. It's pretty hard to dispute that.
Monday, April 14, 2014
Between a Rock and a Hard Place
The day begins with me getting prepared for our first Passover dinner. We do not know the Seder, but I had plans to read through the Seder and allow my daughter to find the Matzos and get a prize. My expectation was that next year we will be ready to attend the Seder dinner with the rest of the community next year.
To my dismay, my son informs me that today on our communities website there is an article saying non-Jews are not allowed to celebrate Passover. We are not allow to celebrate Easter either, since it is a Idolatry worship.
http://www.israelnationalnews.com/Articles/Article.aspx/13069#.U0w3SptOXIX
So, now I feel lost. I do not feel like doing anything at all. Even if I am part Jewish, which I highly doubt based on where my family ancestors immigrated from. I think I am only German and Irish and nothing more. My heart feels dashed. I believe in a G-d I cannot serve. It appears all I have to do is a obey seven commandments, but I wonder, am I required to pray, what are my rules. I once again feel like the red-headed step child that I had from so many years in my youth.
A part of me isn't happy to know I am still an outcast in some way, but if I truly am a Gentile or Goy, I guess I should be thankful that I get to get off easy in this life for the world to come. . . but why am I not?
To my dismay, my son informs me that today on our communities website there is an article saying non-Jews are not allowed to celebrate Passover. We are not allow to celebrate Easter either, since it is a Idolatry worship.
http://www.israelnationalnews.com/Articles/Article.aspx/13069#.U0w3SptOXIX
So, now I feel lost. I do not feel like doing anything at all. Even if I am part Jewish, which I highly doubt based on where my family ancestors immigrated from. I think I am only German and Irish and nothing more. My heart feels dashed. I believe in a G-d I cannot serve. It appears all I have to do is a obey seven commandments, but I wonder, am I required to pray, what are my rules. I once again feel like the red-headed step child that I had from so many years in my youth.
A part of me isn't happy to know I am still an outcast in some way, but if I truly am a Gentile or Goy, I guess I should be thankful that I get to get off easy in this life for the world to come. . . but why am I not?
The Seven Laws of Noah
According to Torah tradition, God gave Noah and his family seven commandments to observe when he saved them from the flood. These commandments, referred to as the Noahic or Noahide commandments, are learned by tradition but also suggested in Genesis Chapter 9, and are as follows:- not to commit idolatry
- not to commit blasphemy
- not to commit murder
- not to have forbidden sexual relations
- not to commit theft
- not to eat flesh cut from a living animal
- to establish courts of justice to punish violators of the other six laws.
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Christianity Not Passing the Smell Test
So, last night I began to really dig deep into my Thompson
Chain Reference King James Bible and compare it to the Tanach and I could
clearly see how every scripture that they use in the old testament to support their
prophecy of the Messiah (Jesus) has been changed in translation. The words they choose to change are key words
that change the meaning of the verse and it no longer provides anything to be fulfilled.
For this reason, we have decided to learn Hebrew as a family so we can read and
understand the Torah and the Tanach in its entirety without someone else’s
translation.
For the first time in my life, I see what others see about contradiction
in the bible, the translations, and the reason the New Testament is written in
Greek and not Hebrew, as well as the 400 silent years and it is not passing the
smell test.
Once I prayed and ask G-d to reveal the truth and give me
wisdom, I have been led down a new path, a path away from Christianity and its
manipulated doctrine. It started with me feeling that Christian’s were missing
a key part of following G-d. It was then that I started following Messianic
Jews and listening to Rabbi Jonathon Cahn.
Our family began listening to his messages for about a year now, then we
began going to Torah classes with our former Christian pastor Rod. It was here
that our eyes were opened. As we learned more from the Torah, the more we have begun
to see how Messianic Judaism is wrong. Because they are atheist or secular Jew’s
who have never followed their own faith they have been deceived. This is now
where we are. We realize there is no new revelation; G-d has never changed His
ways or His covenant He made with Jewish people.
This is my family and
my own personal journey to discover the truth or non-truth about Christianity
and Judaism.
Friday, March 21, 2014
An Abrupt Change
It is hard to believe it has been just a little over 2 years since I began this blog, yet I never had any more thoughts about it or words of wisdom I felt compelled to share, until now.
For the most part of my life nothing had really changed. My belief in Christianity was the same. I have been taught in all it's doctrine's for over 36 years, with the last 33 being pretty dogmatic to more of a Baptist type belief. Regardless of the things I had been taught, there were a few things I couldn't really fully believe like the rapture. Their evidence wasn't enough to persuade me to believe whole heartedly that this indeed is going to happen and in the manner they put forth.
I was taught that salvation only comes through Jesus Christ and that he is the son of G-d and G-d and that I must ask him into my heart to be saved or I would go to hell. Even though I was brought up as a pagan, I discovered this Christian religion when I was just 13 years of age. What drew me to it? A widow woman with six children. It was her dedication to her God, he commitment to attend church and learn, her moral character, and her prayer life. This woman prayed about everything, her rising up in the morning and her going to bed at night and in the in between, asking G-d to make sure her car made it safely to their destination. Prior to this exposer, I maybe had been to church once or twice in my lifetime with my parents on a holiday by invitation of one of their friends, other than that, we never talked of God. In fact, I heard more talk of ghosts and spirits of deceased relatives were talking to us through flickering lights and a Ouija board. Many nights I had nightmares of witches and weird things that frightened me as a child, yet I never accepted paganism.
Fast forward 36 years from my youth and I still seek to know G-d. I found I prayed more to G-d than to Jesus. Then I saw my former pastor change in appearance and I questioned him. He had left the church and was teaching Torah. I wanted to know more. I have always desired to know more about G-d. It was that first meeting we had that my former Christian pastor, telling us that we may come and learn but to be prepared that if we wanted to know the truth that G-d would reveal the truth and what we would learn would shake the foundation of everything we have ever been taught about Christianity.
I will admit, my first thoughts were how can this man who has preached the gospel for many years be deceived. I began to question his very commitment to Christianity and thought maybe he never really was a Christian. After all, everything I was ever taught led me to come to this conclusion.
But, within a few weeks, I was learning things about G-d that I had never been taught before. The light bulb was turned on inside my head and it was as he had said, rocking the very foundation of my faith.
It was at that time that I was going to have surgery. Before the surgery, I prayed, G-d reveal to me the truth. I want to know the truth, please do not let me die and not know the truth. This is eternity we are talking about here and I do not want to get it wrong. I want to make sure I know for sure that I have the truth.
Well, to make a long story short, I am still alive, but I did have complications, I did die and was resuscitated and it was not until tonight that I thought about that prayer to G-d that I had made about not allowing me to die without knowing the whole truth and getting it right. Today, I feel like I am alive because G-d honored my prayer that I would not sleep the sleep of death so I can learn and know the truth and have it right.
For the most part of my life nothing had really changed. My belief in Christianity was the same. I have been taught in all it's doctrine's for over 36 years, with the last 33 being pretty dogmatic to more of a Baptist type belief. Regardless of the things I had been taught, there were a few things I couldn't really fully believe like the rapture. Their evidence wasn't enough to persuade me to believe whole heartedly that this indeed is going to happen and in the manner they put forth.
I was taught that salvation only comes through Jesus Christ and that he is the son of G-d and G-d and that I must ask him into my heart to be saved or I would go to hell. Even though I was brought up as a pagan, I discovered this Christian religion when I was just 13 years of age. What drew me to it? A widow woman with six children. It was her dedication to her God, he commitment to attend church and learn, her moral character, and her prayer life. This woman prayed about everything, her rising up in the morning and her going to bed at night and in the in between, asking G-d to make sure her car made it safely to their destination. Prior to this exposer, I maybe had been to church once or twice in my lifetime with my parents on a holiday by invitation of one of their friends, other than that, we never talked of God. In fact, I heard more talk of ghosts and spirits of deceased relatives were talking to us through flickering lights and a Ouija board. Many nights I had nightmares of witches and weird things that frightened me as a child, yet I never accepted paganism.
Fast forward 36 years from my youth and I still seek to know G-d. I found I prayed more to G-d than to Jesus. Then I saw my former pastor change in appearance and I questioned him. He had left the church and was teaching Torah. I wanted to know more. I have always desired to know more about G-d. It was that first meeting we had that my former Christian pastor, telling us that we may come and learn but to be prepared that if we wanted to know the truth that G-d would reveal the truth and what we would learn would shake the foundation of everything we have ever been taught about Christianity.
I will admit, my first thoughts were how can this man who has preached the gospel for many years be deceived. I began to question his very commitment to Christianity and thought maybe he never really was a Christian. After all, everything I was ever taught led me to come to this conclusion.
But, within a few weeks, I was learning things about G-d that I had never been taught before. The light bulb was turned on inside my head and it was as he had said, rocking the very foundation of my faith.
It was at that time that I was going to have surgery. Before the surgery, I prayed, G-d reveal to me the truth. I want to know the truth, please do not let me die and not know the truth. This is eternity we are talking about here and I do not want to get it wrong. I want to make sure I know for sure that I have the truth.
Well, to make a long story short, I am still alive, but I did have complications, I did die and was resuscitated and it was not until tonight that I thought about that prayer to G-d that I had made about not allowing me to die without knowing the whole truth and getting it right. Today, I feel like I am alive because G-d honored my prayer that I would not sleep the sleep of death so I can learn and know the truth and have it right.
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