As the year passed I have slowly shed off all things christian. Most of our home is empty of any idolatry other than a few items that I need to pull out and discard.
As time has progressed I finally decided after hours and hours of research I could not find anything of my great-great grandmother's story of her roots that could be substantiated. After much deliberating, I finally did the DNA test through Family Tree DNA. Now, I need to await for my results, which could take about 6 to 8 weeks. At least I will have some sort of answer as to what part of the world my ancestors came from. This will also answer my question of whether or not there is any Jewish ancestry in my lineage.
The wait seems like a long time, but I will be happy to have this matter resolved. I will admit I am nervous, I am anxious and afraid at the same time. Anxious to find out where I come from, will they really be able to tell me where I am from? Will this test find anything significant for me to discover? Will there be any relatives there to match me or will I be the only one?
Friday, February 27, 2015
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Shabbat
Well, this week was our second time observing Shabbat. This time went much better than the last week. I did break Shabbat by accidentally turning on a light out of habit. I felt like over all it was 100% better than our previous attempt.
My only concern is my observation of Bill. I noticed the look on his face as we began Shabbat, I observed his heavy sighs and the rolling of his eyes and reluctance to observe Shabbat in an effort to appease me. It was very disheartening.
As the evening passed on and the next day began he seemed to be in better spirits about observing Shabbat and spend the morning reading and then we all spent more time talking and interacting with each other. It was actually nice. I noticed as the day wore on he was becoming very bored and thumping papers and staring at the walls. It was as if he did not know what to do with out the TV or a phone to have something to do.
After all was done, I think it went rather well and I was thinking very positively that maybe he won't think it is so bad and there is hope that he will come around and desire to be more observant.
From the beginning I had concerns that our faith may be the thing that comes between us as we will have different levels of wanting to following HaShem.
Then today I mentioned I read the post by Rabbi David Katz "
Why Texas?
By Chaim Clorfene
I just returned from a weeklong junket (delicious, chocolate) to the great state of Texas, and I must admit that it was an experience that has changed me forever. The thing that had titillated my curiosity was: why Texas? The dynamic growth of the so-called Noahide movement was nowhere else in the world like in Texas. South America has a shmeck of Noahide life, but not like Texas. Texas is mushrooming. There are several Noahide learning centers with their own buildings. The Netiv center in Houston has a full program of classes and is building strong community infrastructure. There are rumblings about setting up a full time Noahide kollel. And they tell me of an eight-foot nine-inch tall Texan Noahide who can shoot lightning out of an unmentionable orifice.
Yes, Texas is the place for Noahides. And now I will give you my personal explanation as to why. Ready? Okay, here it is: Hashem Yisborach has withdrawn His grace from the United States. It has gone dark over there. They could do teshuva and make things right, but until then, things are going to go down spiritually, and who knows how else?
On the other hand, Hashem does not want to leave America for several reason: a) because of the righteous Americans, b) because of the G-d fearing tradition of America, c) because of the merit of America’s tzedaka.
So what does our Father, our King do? He withdraws to Texas. Why Texas? Because Texas (which means friend in Yucatanese) is not one of the 50 states in the same manner as the other 49 states in the union. The other 49 states are part of the union by virtue of having been annexed. For any state to try and secede from the Union would immediately bring the wrath of the federal government down on them, legally, according to United States law. That is what happened when the south seceded. But Texas was never annexed to America. It has statehood through a treaty. Texas, technically, is a foreign nation, a sovereign country, that is bonded to American statehood through a treaty with the United States of America. Hence, the name “the Lone Star state.” And because Texas is part of the United States, but also not part of United States (a foreign country with the treaty), the Shechina is radiating in Texas"
What a great post and explanation of Texas and what is happening here, but my hearts sank when this is why G-d brought us here and we never left and there is no where else we would be able to have this great place to stay a Noahide. I already see that I am Ger and he is Noahide and I do not think he will ever change and what any real depth of a relationship with G-d as I desire and that in turn will be passed on to Mylei who will also not desire an in-depth relationship with Adon Olam.
No, I question, if this persists, is this always my place or will divorce someday prevail so I can fully serve my maker in the capacity that is truly required of me?
My only concern is my observation of Bill. I noticed the look on his face as we began Shabbat, I observed his heavy sighs and the rolling of his eyes and reluctance to observe Shabbat in an effort to appease me. It was very disheartening.
As the evening passed on and the next day began he seemed to be in better spirits about observing Shabbat and spend the morning reading and then we all spent more time talking and interacting with each other. It was actually nice. I noticed as the day wore on he was becoming very bored and thumping papers and staring at the walls. It was as if he did not know what to do with out the TV or a phone to have something to do.
After all was done, I think it went rather well and I was thinking very positively that maybe he won't think it is so bad and there is hope that he will come around and desire to be more observant.
From the beginning I had concerns that our faith may be the thing that comes between us as we will have different levels of wanting to following HaShem.
Then today I mentioned I read the post by Rabbi David Katz "
Why Texas?
By Chaim Clorfene
I just returned from a weeklong junket (delicious, chocolate) to the great state of Texas, and I must admit that it was an experience that has changed me forever. The thing that had titillated my curiosity was: why Texas? The dynamic growth of the so-called Noahide movement was nowhere else in the world like in Texas. South America has a shmeck of Noahide life, but not like Texas. Texas is mushrooming. There are several Noahide learning centers with their own buildings. The Netiv center in Houston has a full program of classes and is building strong community infrastructure. There are rumblings about setting up a full time Noahide kollel. And they tell me of an eight-foot nine-inch tall Texan Noahide who can shoot lightning out of an unmentionable orifice.
Yes, Texas is the place for Noahides. And now I will give you my personal explanation as to why. Ready? Okay, here it is: Hashem Yisborach has withdrawn His grace from the United States. It has gone dark over there. They could do teshuva and make things right, but until then, things are going to go down spiritually, and who knows how else?
On the other hand, Hashem does not want to leave America for several reason: a) because of the righteous Americans, b) because of the G-d fearing tradition of America, c) because of the merit of America’s tzedaka.
So what does our Father, our King do? He withdraws to Texas. Why Texas? Because Texas (which means friend in Yucatanese) is not one of the 50 states in the same manner as the other 49 states in the union. The other 49 states are part of the union by virtue of having been annexed. For any state to try and secede from the Union would immediately bring the wrath of the federal government down on them, legally, according to United States law. That is what happened when the south seceded. But Texas was never annexed to America. It has statehood through a treaty. Texas, technically, is a foreign nation, a sovereign country, that is bonded to American statehood through a treaty with the United States of America. Hence, the name “the Lone Star state.” And because Texas is part of the United States, but also not part of United States (a foreign country with the treaty), the Shechina is radiating in Texas"
What a great post and explanation of Texas and what is happening here, but my hearts sank when this is why G-d brought us here and we never left and there is no where else we would be able to have this great place to stay a Noahide. I already see that I am Ger and he is Noahide and I do not think he will ever change and what any real depth of a relationship with G-d as I desire and that in turn will be passed on to Mylei who will also not desire an in-depth relationship with Adon Olam.
No, I question, if this persists, is this always my place or will divorce someday prevail so I can fully serve my maker in the capacity that is truly required of me?
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Accepting living as a Ger.
Well, it has been almost a year since I got out of the hospital and from my near death experience. Near death or death is debatable depending upon who you ask and how they interpret death.
All I know is that once the lights went out and I was in my own new after world, then I was resuscitated as the doctors stated, and awaken to this world.
Now, here I am year later and G-d has been faithful to answer my prayer to know the truth and have wisdom because I did not want to die an idol worshiper.
This year has been challenging to say the least. I have endured persecution, isolation, and rejection as well as respect and a loving supporting community.
One of the biggest key things that was weighing heavy on my heart was the infighting between us at home in the family and how to live and worship. Led to believe that we must either convert or Orthodox Judaism or have no for of tradition to pass on to Mylei or share as a family was a big one. We were giving up everything we knew that we have learned was idolatry and being told we could not practice the tradition of the Jews because we were not converted. I began to feel as if I was neither here or there, just stuck in the middle. We looked into moving to another area so we could move into a Jewish community, but I could see and feel the resistance from my husband. He was only agreeing because it was something I wanted to do and for that I know I cannot pursue conversion. It was obvious he was not into it fully, he wanted to know the truth and learn, but he does not want to take on the 613 laws. It showed in him never wearing the kippah that I bought for him; and then there was constant war over what we can eat or watch on tv.
Coming from a more dedicated life to G-d for over 38 years it was easy for me to give up things as I had for many many years in the past.
I begin to seek a compromise with him, could we at least do a conservative conversion so our daughter can be rasied Jewish and learn the traditions and celebrate all the high holidays and pass it on to her children for future generations.
Then in the past month 2 different Rabbi's have come to speak to our Noahide community. One willing to do conversion classes with us, I was elated, but then I can see that my husband was not in agreement, so I purposed it in my heart at that moment that in the event I outlive him and later in life become a widow, I will at that time go through conversion and until then I will just live as a Noahide.
So, when Rabbi Chaim Clorfene came to the community and spoke on the world of the Ger and observing Shabbat. It was wonderful to here. I felt so relieved. I learned I could practice the traditions of the Jew's and teach them to my daughter. I still hope to someday convert, but until that time arrives or if it never does, I can still serve G-d as a righteous practicing Ger. Although it isn't the perfect solution, it is the best solution for now and a compromise I can live with.
All I know is that once the lights went out and I was in my own new after world, then I was resuscitated as the doctors stated, and awaken to this world.
Now, here I am year later and G-d has been faithful to answer my prayer to know the truth and have wisdom because I did not want to die an idol worshiper.
This year has been challenging to say the least. I have endured persecution, isolation, and rejection as well as respect and a loving supporting community.
One of the biggest key things that was weighing heavy on my heart was the infighting between us at home in the family and how to live and worship. Led to believe that we must either convert or Orthodox Judaism or have no for of tradition to pass on to Mylei or share as a family was a big one. We were giving up everything we knew that we have learned was idolatry and being told we could not practice the tradition of the Jews because we were not converted. I began to feel as if I was neither here or there, just stuck in the middle. We looked into moving to another area so we could move into a Jewish community, but I could see and feel the resistance from my husband. He was only agreeing because it was something I wanted to do and for that I know I cannot pursue conversion. It was obvious he was not into it fully, he wanted to know the truth and learn, but he does not want to take on the 613 laws. It showed in him never wearing the kippah that I bought for him; and then there was constant war over what we can eat or watch on tv.
Coming from a more dedicated life to G-d for over 38 years it was easy for me to give up things as I had for many many years in the past.
I begin to seek a compromise with him, could we at least do a conservative conversion so our daughter can be rasied Jewish and learn the traditions and celebrate all the high holidays and pass it on to her children for future generations.
Then in the past month 2 different Rabbi's have come to speak to our Noahide community. One willing to do conversion classes with us, I was elated, but then I can see that my husband was not in agreement, so I purposed it in my heart at that moment that in the event I outlive him and later in life become a widow, I will at that time go through conversion and until then I will just live as a Noahide.
So, when Rabbi Chaim Clorfene came to the community and spoke on the world of the Ger and observing Shabbat. It was wonderful to here. I felt so relieved. I learned I could practice the traditions of the Jew's and teach them to my daughter. I still hope to someday convert, but until that time arrives or if it never does, I can still serve G-d as a righteous practicing Ger. Although it isn't the perfect solution, it is the best solution for now and a compromise I can live with.
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Where Do I Go From Here?
Deciding what to do and where to go is always a dilemma. I am contemplating applying for a job, but I am also not so sure I want to do that at this time. It would mean I would probably have to quit going to school because I already know I would not have enough time to work, keep up with the household, assist Mylei with homework, and find the time to do my own school work. It puts me in a bit of a quandary. It may be our only chance to relocate as it seems entirely hopeless that my husband will ever be called for a job, and in these bad times, women get hired over men. I just know that once I begin working, I will never be able to quit and I just hated working so late and never spending any time with my family.
Since it seems to only take about 48 hours for hubby to get his thanks but no thanks on almost every job he applies for it seems a bit discouraging in advancing forward, but I also know that HaShem may put us to the test to see how much of an effort we will put forth to accomplish our conversion. Sure we could do it right now by just saying the word and move into Houston, but I do not want to live in Houston for so many reasons, but the horrible high crime and outrageous housing prices keep me from doing so, after all, I cannot even afford to live in the required Eruv.
As we search the Orthodox Union for synagogues we look at the area for affordability to live in the Eruv, with also a job market, a safe and family friendly area with outdoor activities we can all enjoy. We finally found an area we feel fits those requirements that would be a best fit for our family, but the Rabbi just moved to another location, so finding out about conversion may now be a problem and the quick rejection of employment applications isn't helpful either.
Is this a closed door or a door we are to pursue to see how much we really want to convert?
Since it seems to only take about 48 hours for hubby to get his thanks but no thanks on almost every job he applies for it seems a bit discouraging in advancing forward, but I also know that HaShem may put us to the test to see how much of an effort we will put forth to accomplish our conversion. Sure we could do it right now by just saying the word and move into Houston, but I do not want to live in Houston for so many reasons, but the horrible high crime and outrageous housing prices keep me from doing so, after all, I cannot even afford to live in the required Eruv.
As we search the Orthodox Union for synagogues we look at the area for affordability to live in the Eruv, with also a job market, a safe and family friendly area with outdoor activities we can all enjoy. We finally found an area we feel fits those requirements that would be a best fit for our family, but the Rabbi just moved to another location, so finding out about conversion may now be a problem and the quick rejection of employment applications isn't helpful either.
Is this a closed door or a door we are to pursue to see how much we really want to convert?
Sunday, July 6, 2014
Time to Move
As I ponder our conversion to Judaism, I struggle with where do we move and will the Rabbi be willing to assist us to covert. I really struggle with making the move to Houston for a couple of reasons. Yes, we know the Rabbi will do our conversion there, but the area is so crime ridden and expensive that I know as soon as my conversion is complete I would move away. I feel that this defeats the entire purpose since I want to also become a part of the community and I have disliked Houston since we moved there 5 years ago, this is why we bought our home so far away from the city. I didn't want to feel like a prisoner in my home, fearful to go outside of being robbed or killed.
Since conversion is our goal I have been surfing all the Shul's from the Orthodox Union website and looking at the demographics of each location. Is it safe, what is the crime rate, how large is the city, can we afford to live in the city, can we afford to buy a home, do I see myself living there and settling for the rest of my life even though I could potentially be thousands of miles from all of my children.
Since conversion is our goal I have been surfing all the Shul's from the Orthodox Union website and looking at the demographics of each location. Is it safe, what is the crime rate, how large is the city, can we afford to live in the city, can we afford to buy a home, do I see myself living there and settling for the rest of my life even though I could potentially be thousands of miles from all of my children.
Visiting My Parents
After arriving to my parents home for my yearly visit to check on them and assist them how I can while I am here I had hoped over the past year they may have seen some of my posting on Facebook. I was prepared for the question's, but after the first two days here I realized they had not seen anything I had posted and my parents eat many non-kosher foods.
Finally, I took the opportunity to ease the conversation to my mother that I have a change faith and it did not start out very well, she blew her top and finally calmed downed after about 15 minutes and then agreed not to talk about it with me.
Eating with them has been a huge challenge since my mother has always been a fan of pork, one of the foods I never really liked even before we began eating Kosher. Mylei has been pointing out their diet to them as not kosher and it has set my mother off, so I had to inform her not to tell her grand-parents what not to eat. I could see if we lived close by could be some issues in the future, especially around holidays, since we have not even discussed anything further, I do not think she realizes we will not be celebrating these pagan holiday's any longer. Living three states is to our advantage that she isn't right there to know we will not be celebrating those holidays.
Room for thought of what we may encounter later if one of my parent's passes and the other must come and live with us.
Finally, I took the opportunity to ease the conversation to my mother that I have a change faith and it did not start out very well, she blew her top and finally calmed downed after about 15 minutes and then agreed not to talk about it with me.
Eating with them has been a huge challenge since my mother has always been a fan of pork, one of the foods I never really liked even before we began eating Kosher. Mylei has been pointing out their diet to them as not kosher and it has set my mother off, so I had to inform her not to tell her grand-parents what not to eat. I could see if we lived close by could be some issues in the future, especially around holidays, since we have not even discussed anything further, I do not think she realizes we will not be celebrating these pagan holiday's any longer. Living three states is to our advantage that she isn't right there to know we will not be celebrating those holidays.
Room for thought of what we may encounter later if one of my parent's passes and the other must come and live with us.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)