My Evil Inclination

Today I awoke feeling tired, ready to take some time to get out of the house. I just have the need to just go somewhere. I have been shut up in this house now for over a week. I have not even walked out to the mailbox, but my school work for last week was done. Thank goodness this is my last week of school for the summer. It will be nice to get it completed so I can begin my summer.

This is where my evil inclination comes in; planning my time away, feeling selfish of my time and who and when I want to visit my kids. I had wanted to go to New York and D.C., but that is not to be. Bill called his sister to see if we could come and visit for a week so they can connect and get to know their niece, but they have not replied or returned his phone calls. Hint taken, you do not want us to come and visit, so I will cross that trip off my list.

Now to plan my trip to visit my children, but when should I go. My parents to my surprise are wanting to ride up with me most of the way to visit my cousin. It will be a good thing for them, my parents are getting older and may not live too many more years. My dad is no longer able to drive for very long and his balance is getting worse and his heart is slowing down. It will be nice to enjoy my time with them, it will be good for Mylei to enjoy her time with them as well. Now to schedule my trip to see the kids in Seattle, but of course their father keeps calling them and pressuring them to come to his family reunion separate from the other family reunion. Why choose a time when I usually come and visit, after all you live within a few hours of them, I live 3 days from them and 2500 miles and have not visited them in two years. So, where I am being selfish is now I lose another 4 to 5 days visit with them and since I will be on a 10 visit time frame so I can drive my parents back to Southern California it now makes it worthless to even drive that far to have the time dominated by someone who lives close by. I had that same issue two years ago when I went for two weeks and Janae's mother had to come over and take them out and then take them to a water park for the day when she lives only 3 miles away and see's them 4 to 5 days a week.  This not only robs me, but Mylei who wants to play with her niece and nephew and her siblings too.

Granted I realize the grandparents are fighting to be the favorite grandparents, but aside from that, I wish they could at least give me my few days to visit them. Yes, they will always be their favorites because they live close by and see them often, but to take away from the short time I have is selfish, and now I feel selfish even thinking I was this time to myself, that is my evil inclination. I need to put myself in check, I need to seek G-d and be reminded of all his glory and majesty so I do not dwell on these thoughts. Now, I am even questioning if I want to go and visit them this year either since it is so far to go and then have it cut short.

I know this rant has nothing to do with the teaching of Torah, but I seeing more of sin according to Judaism that I had not seen before and that I need to work on, in this case it is the evil inclination of selfishness on my part for which I need to repent.